Dear Students,
The ISPE is organising the Singapore Student BioPharmaceutical Symposium. To be held on 17th October 2008 from 2pm to 5pm at Biopolis Matrix Auditorium.
The purpose of the event is to introduce students to the biotechnology and pharmaceutical industry in Singapore. Many well-known companies in the industry will also be in attendance, including GlaxoSmithKline, Merck, Schering-Plough Ltd, Genentech, Pfizer, Novartis Pharmaceuticals, Wyeth, Lonza Bilogics and Abbott Laboratories.
The special keynote speaker is Dr Fatimah Lateef, director of Undergraduate Training and Education at National University of Singapore, Senior Clinical Lecturer, and a member of Parliament.
All Polytechnic and University students in chemical, biological, engineering and pharmaceutical tracks are encouraged to attend as there will be special networking sessions, HR department participation, and roundtables after the symposium.
Speakers will focus on Process Development, Automation, Developmental Sciences, Validation, Process Engineering, Quality and Manufacturing. The Affiliate welcomes all students to join them at this event to find out the wonderful opportunities that await them in Singapore and find out more about these companies.
** Registration deadline is 15 October 2008. If you would like to participate in the Symposium, please confirm your attendance by replying to this email. With the subject title: CONFIRMED ATTENDANCE.
Together with the following information:
Name:
University / Polytechnic / College:
Designation:
Address:
Postal Code:
Phone:
Fax:
Email:
Please forward this email to your students who are interested in attending the Symposium.
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About the International Society for Pharmaceutical Engineering [ISPE]
ISPE is the world’s largest not-for-profit society serving pharmaceutical manufacturing professionals. As a member of ISPE you join experts around the globe in sharpening your skills, building a career, defining best practices and interacting with regulators.
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Best regards
Ange Teo
ISPE Asia Pacific Office 73 Bukit Timah Road #04-01, Rex House Singapore 229832
Email: sgstudent.symposium@yahoo.com.sg
ISPE - Engineering Pharmaceutical Innovation
CRITIQUE
This letter was written to invite students for a symposium. The letter has several flaws, which I would like to highlight under the 7Cs.
In terms of courtesy, I feel that the writer could have been more polite by addressing the students instead of jumping into the details of the symposium. The tone could have been more convincing to capture the attention of the readers. Relevant information was given to substantiate the event. Though the words used could be easily understood, relational pattern of development was not established. The letter was also not concise as the sentences were very long and wordy. The letter was however complete as all the relevant details needed for the readers was conveyed (date, time and venue of the event, details of the talk and administrative matters, etc). The structure and organization of the paragraphs was not good. For example, the writer addressed the topic on speakers in two different paragraphs. Moreover, the information of the company could be been addressed at the beginning of the letter. Though the letter had no errors on spelling, there were errors in the sentence structure. For example, in the 1st paragraph, the sentence starts off with “ To be held…”. The closing was incorrect as it lacked the comma and the position of the writer was not given.
The letter could have been more effectively written if she had only applied the 7Cs. :)
Cheers,
Jay
This letter was written to invite students for a symposium. The letter has several flaws, which I would like to highlight under the 7Cs.
In terms of courtesy, I feel that the writer could have been more polite by addressing the students instead of jumping into the details of the symposium. The tone could have been more convincing to capture the attention of the readers. Relevant information was given to substantiate the event. Though the words used could be easily understood, relational pattern of development was not established. The letter was also not concise as the sentences were very long and wordy. The letter was however complete as all the relevant details needed for the readers was conveyed (date, time and venue of the event, details of the talk and administrative matters, etc). The structure and organization of the paragraphs was not good. For example, the writer addressed the topic on speakers in two different paragraphs. Moreover, the information of the company could be been addressed at the beginning of the letter. Though the letter had no errors on spelling, there were errors in the sentence structure. For example, in the 1st paragraph, the sentence starts off with “ To be held…”. The closing was incorrect as it lacked the comma and the position of the writer was not given.
The letter could have been more effectively written if she had only applied the 7Cs. :)
Cheers,
Jay
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Jay,
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, there seemed to be a mix of good points and flaws in this letter.
I agree that this letter was complete but not concise. Details of the event that the student may need were given and even the focus of the event, that is to promote the Developmental Sciences and Engineering were stated too. Hence, I feel that the rule of completeness was well reflected in the letter.
The writer could have, however, combined the part about the event’s purpose with the part on its targeted students. This will improve on its conciseness and the letter will not seem too long.
Regarding the tone of the letter, it could have been a bit livelier to attract the students. No matter how “wonderful” the opportunities that this event will offer might be, the tone of the letter seems to be contradicting.
All in all, this letter can do with some improvements for the sake of a more effective communication.
Cheers,
wanyee