Non-verbal cues speak louder than words most of the time. Using the right words alone is not sufficient to convey our message across. There are several aspects of non-verbal communication such as the eye contact, facial expression, posture, tone of the voice and etc. Even if we make a mistake in any one of the aspect, the message will not be delivered in the way we intended it to be.
For example, I had a classmate, Siti who was very reserved. So, whenever she speaks to guys, she either tends to look around at the surroundings or look at the floor, avoiding eye contact with the person she is communicating with. People who knew her character accepted her behavior. However, those who did not know her would easily get agitated. Once, we had a male relief teacher for our class. He asked Siti regarding her homework which she forgot to bring. And she jus looked past him and answered, “ I don’t know where I placed it.” Though she was sincere in her reply, it seemed as though she was not bothered about her homework when she did not look at the teacher, let alone make eye contact with him. The teacher became angry and made her stand for an entire period as her punishment for her ‘heck-care’ attitude.
How would you react to a person who speaks without maintaining eye contact?
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Hi Jay,
ReplyDeleteInteresting scenario you got there! Easy to read.
I don't really recall if I've met anyone who tries to avoid making eye contact. If I did, I probably would have just thought that the person is shy rather than rude. But I have to see other cues like the tone of her voice and her body posture.
To answer your question on how I would react if I come across such a person, I might stare at her until she looks at me. But I think I'll prefer using another more direct method of just asking her why she won't look at me. This, of course, have to be done in a joking manner. I think that once she is more comfortable around you, she won't feel so shy and may gradually maintain eye contact.
Anyway, you forgot to put a title heading for this post. I was wondering if I was reading the correct one!
Cheers,
Glenn
Hi Jay!
ReplyDeleteThanks for bringing this up! I personally also know encountered someone that had a similar problem. Her case was much worse as she behaved the same way to both guys and girls.
I still remember a number of times when I talked to her and she responded without looking at me for the entire conversation. Frankly speaking, after a couple of times, it got rather frustrating as I got the impression that she was unwilling to converse with me. However, since she was known as a very quiet girl in class, we all presumed that she was just reserved and left it as that.
Looking back, maybe I should have asked her directly for the reason for her behaviour and if she had any problems. Or I could have got to know her more instead of leaving it as that in the past. Maybe she just needed someone sincere to communicate with.
Anyway, thanks for sharing!
Hey Jay,
ReplyDeleteThis is a noteworthy problem that would affect your friend all her life. As friends we would be able to accept it, however, what happens when she has to interact with others? You have shown what happen before and the bad impression she gives even thought that was not the intention.
Personally I would have inform her of this issue and see if by working together can we try to remove this habit of hers'. As you have stated, non-verbal cues are very important when communicating with others
Hopefully your friends' habit might have change for the better
Cheers, Ryan
Hi Jay,
ReplyDeleteThere are indeed many aspects of non-verbal cues as you have mentioned, and eye-contact is one of the important aspects as it displays one’s sincerity and confidence. However, not all people have the confidence to maintain eye contact, especially with strangers. This is where other non-verbal cues such as the tone and the facial expression come into play.
Even when not maintaining eye contact, small actions such as nodding the head occasionally to show that you understood and the reply of “uh-huh” at appropriate parts of the conversation to show that you are listening can also aid in telling the other party that you are paying attention to the conversation and are not being rude.
For someone like Siti, she may be a person who warmed up more slowly to people. Given a long enough time, she may get to know you better and be more able to speak up.
Regards,
wanyee
Hey Jay,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed how you used your personal experience to illustrate your point. It really helped to make the idea come alive for me.
However, I wonder if you have ever come across anyone with the opposite problem, whereby they maintain such a focused and intense eye contact that the other person feels uncomfortable and looks away. I have on occasion come across people whom I feel uncomfortable maintaining eye contact with.
It seems that there is a balance to be struck here, but I am not sure how exactly to describe it.
Regards,
Benjamin